Only Her Heart Read online

  He rose in one smooth motion. His strong arms went around her. “I’m sorry.”

  She inhaled sharply. How long had she yearned to be right where she was—in Jack’s arms? I shouldn’t allow this. I should pull away. I’m not like my mom, not like Melissa. I’m not that special. No one could love me the way they were loved. But Jack needs me...maybe... Stopping her thoughts, she relaxed against him, luxuriating in his solid strength. I need you, Jack. I don’t want to but I do.

  “I was a senior in high school when my dad left,” Jack murmured into her hair.

  Annie held her breath. Jack rarely revealed personal emotional territory. Aside from knowing about his antagonism toward his dad, all she knew of his past, Sandy had told her as a friend.

  “I’d gotten used to Dad being gone all the time. His schedule was crazy. But it always had been. But one morning, I came down to breakfast and Mom was crying...” His arms tightened around her.

  She pressed closer to him. Oh, Jack, I hear how much this wounded you.

  “I’d never seen my mom cry before.” He paused to suck in air. “It shook me up. She wouldn’t tell me what was wrong. But then I started watching her and I noticed how Dad had been coming home later and later and how a lot of nights he was away. I’d always thought he was at the hospital with an emergency operation, so I hadn’t questioned it.”

  “He was cheating?” Annie rested her cheek on the vee of skin at his open collar. His flesh was warm and reassuring in spite of this emotional storm.

  “Well, he got married a week after the divorce was final.” Jack’s tone dripped with sarcasm. “I think that’s a telling indicator that he had been having an affair while he was still married.”

  “Oh, Jack, how awful for Sandy, for you.” Sliding her cheek to his shoulder, she gazed up into his face.

  “It was worse for my mother. I couldn’t forgive my dad for making her cry. And he’d really used her.”

  “Used her? How?” Her hands resting on his shirt, Annie pulled back to get a better view of his expression. Sandy had never mentioned this.

  “They married young, in their undergrad years. My mom quit school and began working to support them. Over the years, she managed to get her degree, but she was the primary wage-earner until my dad finished his medical school and residency.”

  “I didn’t know that.” Annie recalled how Jack had immediately taken Melissa’s side against Troy for reneging on their agreement. This explained Jack’s negative reaction to Troy.

  A loon wailed from the other side of the lake as though calling to them.

  “It wasn’t fair,” Jack muttered. “They had a deal. Mom worked to help put him through school and she should be benefiting from her hard work today, not some other woman.”

  Of course Jack would insist on fairness. “This world is often unfair.” Annie smoothed his shirt with her hands, feeling the contours of his chest under her fingertips. “But your mom never seems bitter about Cliff.”

  “She says I should forgive him. She has.” He leaned his stubbly chin onto her forehead.

  She slid her arms around him and clasped them behind his back. “I think she’s right, Jack. Forgive others as God forgives us. You know that.”

  “What about justice?” His voice was hard.

  She felt the movement of his chin as he spoke. Never had she felt so connected to Jack as she did at this moment. Despite the depressing topic, her heart soared with a silent joy. “That’s God’s business, not ours.”

  “That’s easy to say, hard to do.” He pulled her even closer. “Just look at your sister’s situation. Aren’t you angry about how Troy and his family are trying to say your sister is not keeping her vows?”

  They were so close, she felt each word expand his chest. Lord, what’s happening here? Jack is finally opening doors he’s kept shut for years. I’ve always wanted this closeness, but am I reading too much into it?

  She brought her mind back to the topic at hand. “Yes, but their opinions are motivated by their love for Troy. And in the end, they won’t matter. I have to keep an open heart or irreparable damage could be done to our family, and Austin and Andy would suffer the most.”

  “I don’t want those little guys hurt. I hate divorce.” Jack’s voice roughened.

  “God doesn’t like it either because He knows that it only brings pain and broken hearts. But it happens, we are responsible for how we behave after one takes place.” She closed her eyes and breathed in the clean fragrance of soap mingled with Jack’s scent. “Holding grudges does no one any good. Jack. Your mom has gone on with her life—”

  “I’ve gone on with mine,” Jack insisted gruffly.

  “Have you? I know you wouldn’t let your dad help you with college costs or start-up capital for LIT. Even now, you didn’t want to take a contract with his hospital.” She opened her eyes. “What else have you been cutting yourself off from just because you don’t want anything from your dad?”

  “I just don’t want him to think I need him.” Jack wouldn’t meet her eyes.

  “He’s family.” To emphasize this point, Annie pulled away a few inches from Jack and made eye contact. “Family helps out family. It’s just natural.”

  “Well, not for me. Sometimes connections are broken and can’t be fixed.” His voice was harsh.

  Annie let her face rest against Jack’s shirt again. She could hear his heart pounding with the intensity of his emotion. How does a person repair a heart or a family, Lord? Is this what is going to happen to Melissa and Troy? Oh, no, please don’t let it. Tears sprang to her eyes and she suppressed a sob.

  “Are you crying?” Jack smoothed the hair back from her face.

  “I’m just worried for Melissa and Troy.” More tears fell.

  “Their situation isn’t like my mom and dad’s. He’s not cheating on her.” His uneasy statement unfortunately sounded more like a question.

  And Annie recalled Melissa walking and laughing with that young man in the union cafeteria. There would be temptation for Melissa on campus, a lot of temptation. She was so pretty, so smart. No, that couldn’t be right. Melissa would never be unfaithful to Troy. That wasn’t in her.

  But tears still flowed down her cheeks. She brushed them aside with her fingertips.

  “Don’t cry, Annie,” Jack whispered, his breath on her face.

  She felt him kiss her forehead. Unable to stop herself, she lifted her face to him.

  For a long moment, an eternal moment, he merely looked down into her eyes. And then he lowered his mouth to hers. Their lips met, tentatively—just a whisper of sensation. Then he cupped the back of her head in one hand and kissed her more deeply.

  She tangled her fingers in his soft cotton shirt His lips played over hers and she was aware of each nuance, each breath they shared. She whispered his name, but heard it only in her heart.

  He finally ended the kiss, pulling his lips from hers.

  She clung to him, uncertain of her footing.

  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t—” he began.

  She rose on tiptoe and kissed away his apology. Then she whispered, “Don’t say you’re sorry, Jack. I wanted you to kiss me.”

  “Why didn’t you say so? I’ve wanted to kiss you again for days.”

  This made her laugh. “Jack! I know you think I’m your mind reader, but I’m not.”

  He didn’t reply, only tucked her closer to him. “I’ve thought about what Tom said about you over and over.”

  “What did Tom say?” Annie asked, her words trembling in her throat.

  “Don’t you remember?” he asked evasively.

  “Tom said a lot of things,” she stalled. You have to say it, Jack! I can’t do this for you! “Tom is a talker. Which particular words of wisdom?”

  “He said I ought to propose to you because what would I do without you,” Jack mumbled, sounding uncertain.

  Annie went still, barely breathing. “Propose?”

  “He’s right. And not just about LIT. I would be l
ost without you. Without you, life doesn’t make sense. Does that make sense?”

  Now that he’d said it, she chuckled, her tension lifting away. “Knowing you as I do, yes, that makes sense.”

  He squeezed her tighter. “Very funny. But would you... Can I...”

  “Can you what?” She lifted an eyebrow.

  “Would you consider going out with me? I mean, on a date.”

  “What a novel idea.” Annie couldn’t help but see the humor in the situation, no matter how intense her reaction. She suppressed a smile. Jack’s first attempt at love talk had come out in pure Jack style. But would this be wise? Could it work out between Jack and her? I’m hesitant, Lord. I care about him so much. “You and me on a date? Are you sure? We work so closely together. Maybe...”

  “Don’t say that. I’ve been blind to how much I needed you and just how important you are to me. I don’t know how to put it into words, and if I try, I’ll probably end up saying it all wrong. But what I want to know is, will you give us a chance?”

  The sound of paddles swishing through the water broke the silence—someone out in a small boat enjoying the moonlight. Too soon this special time away would end.

  Annie pondered Jack’s words. As a declaration of love, it left a lot to be desired. But then, this was Jack and he was right. If he attempted to put his feelings into words, he would probably not do a very eloquent job. And he was also right about needing her, but would that substitute for loving her?

  I should say no. But what if...

  “Okay, Jack, I’ll give us a chance.”

  His mouth claimed hers again.

  She closed her eyes and kissed him as she had longed to for years. Is this actually happening? It feels too good to be true.

  “Annie!” A voice called her from behind. “Mr. Smartphone! Hey!”

  Annie turned and saw Mrs. Groshky waving a slip of paper. She and Jack pulled apart.

  Mrs. Groshky huffed toward them. “Sorry to interrupt.” She gave them an appraising look and then winked at Annie. “But Mr. Smartphone got a phone call. I wrote the message down.”

  “Someone called me here?” Jack asked as he stepped forward to accept the paper.

  “Yeah, they called the office just now and I wrote it down just like the guy said it. Sounded urgent.”

  He handed the paper back to Mrs. Groshky. “You’ll have to read this to me. I can’t read your writing.”

  “Well, I was kind of flustered, you know, and scrambling around to get something to write on.” Mrs. Groshky lifted her reading glasses, which were suspended on a chain around her neck, and began, “Okay, he said: ‘New security breached. Hope Medicare and Medicaid accounts tampered with. Need you back stat. Cliff Lasater.’”

  “Oh, no.” Annie’s heart sank to her toes. What had happened? How had someone gotten through Jack’s new security?

  On Monday morning after his week’s vacation, in the Hope central financial office, Jack scanned the faces of the Board members as they sat, clustered around desks. “I’ve looked at the files and I’ve found traces of the hacker, but no solid clues.” Except that this isn’t your usual hacker. It feels personal and random at the same time.

  The Board members stared back at him. No one said one word in reply.

  “Where do we go from here, Jack?” his father finally asked.

  Jack was aware that he didn’t feel the same tug of resentment toward his dad as he usually did. “You need to come up with some more names. I have to have some new suspects or I can do nothing.” He didn’t dare add—with Dr. Collins staring at him—that he didn’t have enough evidence to make any charges against Collins or Witte. There has to be someone else with a grudge against Hope.

  “You mean, this might happen again?” Dunn asked, sitting by a computer behind Cliff.

  “It will keep on happening until I can catch the hacker, and I’ll be able to do that only when I get some more names from you.” Jack wondered why he felt so differently in his dad’s presence today. Had it been the vacation? What he’d learned about his mom, Mike, his new feelings toward Annie? Had that made a difference?

  “We’re not psychics,” Dunn sneered. “What are you going to do if we can’t come up with any new names?”

  “Then, I’ll have to...” Jack fell silent. How could he get them on board once and for all?

  “What?” his dad asked. “What will you have to do?”

  Jack shook his head. “We’re in a public place. I can’t know that we’re not being overhead or observed or listened to electronically.”

  “And I’m here,” Dr. Collins said with a sarcastic smile.

  Board members looked around the room anywhere but at the man who’d just spoken.

  “Aren’t you exaggerating?” Cliff asked.

  “No, and I’m not taking any chances, Dad.” Jack surprised himself. He hadn’t called his father “Dad” for years.

  Cliff must have noticed this, too, because he looked up suddenly, his gaze fixed on Jack.

  “Where do we go from here?” Dr. Brown leaned forward in her chair. “What can you do to protect our system while still investigating?”

  “I’ll have to move your software up to the next level of security.” Jack scanned their faces again. Did one of them know something they weren’t telling or weren’t aware of? “I’ll go in and bring your security up to the level that a national defense contractor would have to maintain.”

  “Will that do it?” Cliff asked, obviously dubious.

  Jack shook his head. “It’s only a stopgap...until one of you comes up with a suspect who pans out.” His dad had asked a favor of him just before this meeting started. What should he do? Agree or decline? I’d better ask Annie. She’ll know. She always knows.

  “Why didn’t you tell me Dad was interested in your boss’s mother?” Melissa, in jeans and a navy-blue T-shirt, sat across from Annie in the Polska Cafe for late lunch on the Monday after the vacation. The cafe had taken on that relaxed-after-the-rush atmosphere. Mama Kalanovski was in the kitchen with her husband, sharing a late lunch. The two sisters had the place to themselves.

  Early this morning, Annie had called to invite her sister to lunch to find out if things were any better between Melissa and Troy. Lord, I want them back together again, before they hurt Austin and Andy, before they hurt each other too much to forgive. Annie stirred her iced tea again, trying to keep her restless mind on Melissa and Troy and Dad and Sandy, not on her and Jack.

  “I didn’t know. I mean, I should have guessed but you know...”

  “Know what?” Melissa pressed her.

  “Dad hasn’t shown any interest in anyone since Mom passed away. I just figured he wasn’t going to look for someone else.” Annie glanced over her shoulder, watching for Jack to walk by the window, returning from his meeting with the Hope Board.

  “You remember Mom so much better than I do,” Melissa said wistfully. “I was only twelve when she died and she’d been sick so long then.”

  “She was a wonderful woman, a very special person.” Annie’s spirits were sinking. Everything that had happened in the past week—Dad and Sandy, Jack and her—had stirred up the past, the sad past.

  “I do remember she was always singing...and baking something delicious. And the house was always full of our friends, especially Claire. And she took in Patience. I wanted to be just like Mom.”

  “You are like her. I never was.” Annie ran her forefinger around the rim of her iced tea glass. A grilled Reuben sat on the plate untouched. She had no appetite.

  Melissa eyed her. “I don’t know what you mean.”

  “She was popular like you. Dad told me how popular Mom was when she was young and dating. He said everyone wanted to marry her.” Annie felt the pinch of inferiority she always did when she compared herself to her sister and mother. I try not to be jealous, Lord, but it’s hard.

  “Well, then, I’m not like her,” Melissa objected, as she lifted her glass. “Troy was the only one—”

&n
bsp; “You know that’s not true. You could have dated anyone in high school, but you chose Troy.” Don’t try to make me feel better, Melissa.

  “I don’t know about the dating anyone I wanted, but you’re right, I chose Troy. What about you and the Brain?” Melissa nibbled her poppy seed roll.

  Melissa’s question shocked her. “You mean me and Jack?” Annie’s pulse spiked.

  “Yes.” Melissa wiggled a finger at her. “I notice he’s around more and more, and I saw how he pitched right in to help you. And then he goes on vacation with you. I know you’ve had feelings for him...”

  “How did you know that?” Annie stared at her smug-looking sister.

  “I know you.” Melissa gave her an insouciant grin. “I saw how you looked when you talked about him. Well, has he finally woken up and noticed you? Has he?”

  Annie sighed. He’s noticed that he needs me. Does he love me? Needing isn’t the same as loving. “He asked if we could start dating.”

  “Wow, good for him. There’s hope for all of us, then,” Melissa kidded with a broad smile.

  “Don’t tease.” Annie blushed warmly. “What about you and Troy?”

  Melissa’s expression sobered and she put down her roll. “I chose Troy and I still choose Troy.”

  “What went on between you two while we were all gone?” Annie tried to keep her voice light.

  “When I came over to help him pack the twins for the lake, we declared a truce. And he asked me if I would go with him to the pastor to talk things over.” Melissa pursed her lips.

  “Did you go?”

  Melissa nodded, staring down.

  Annie’s tension eased. She took a deep breath. “I’m glad. What caused him to—”

  “To behave so responsibly?” Melissa asked, the usual repartee back in her tone.

  “Melissa,” Annie scolded.

  “I’m sorry, Sis, but Troy hasn’t been acting like himself. He’s usually so easygoing. He’s been so mad at me.”

  “You’ve been angry, too,” Annie pointed out